One of the most profound Teachings that I am learning in my current romantic relationship, is that Change is not only a possibility, it is a necessity, if we are to grown and emerge into long-lasting partnerships and fulfilling versions of ourSelves.
Now, I am not saying that we need to change who we are to fit someone else’s ideal partner. That’s a bit ridiculous, don’t you think? It’s also impossible: we can NEVER please everyone.
I DO think, however, that we can let love drag up our “Wrinkly Stucknesses” and inspect them, and see what we are holding on to, and how some patterns don’t serve us (and probably haven’t for a good long time, but we haven’t had someone say, “Look this hurts my feelings when it happens,” to make us realize that it could change) and that it is actually SAFE to let them change. The more we allow the WS’s to be dragged in front of our eyes; I mean: the more OPEN we can keep our eyes, the wider our heart becomes, and we can heal the stuff that isn’t Love.
This doesn’t happen from one person saying, “You’re such a (insert hurtful word here) and this is bullsh*t,” in the middle of an argument. This kind of communication and inspection comes when someone says, “You know, when you act (this way or that way), I feel (like this). It’s difficult to be around you and not get upset,” etc etc etc…when it’s gently delivered and calm, and coming from Love.
The first time this stuff came up for me, I was so ashamed of mySelf, and I was very emotional. I said, “So where does this leave us? Do we even have a shot?”
And he said, “I am telling you this, because I think we DO have a shot, and this is a big deal, and it can get fixed.”
So that’s what it’s like to be Met by someone.
This is not just something that occurs in romantic partnerships. This is something that happens when the relationship means something to both parties involved, which sadly, is rare these days.
The point is, is that we all talk about Change…we all “know” somewhere inside of us, that Change is not only necessary, but is also unavoidable. I am learning, slowly, that it’s also safe. I am learning that I can hear these things, and not need to worry over them. Actually, simply being made aware of these patterns, is enough to change some of them. Others, of course, come up a few (or many) times…I am beginning to think that the more fully we are LISTENING to someone when they say, “Here are the challenges,” the more ingrained that message is, the easier it is to shift it.
If it doesn’t feel important, I don’t let it in all the way, it doesn’t make a lasting impression: the Shfit doesn’t occur. But if I am listening with not only my ears, but my heart and my soul, and my Presence: the Shift is almost immediate. ”Oh,” I think to mySelf, ”This is something that has not served me in YEARS. I bet letting it go would make life easier.”
So that’s the personal share…I hope it opens something in you…to inquire where you can listen more, where you can let go, where you can allow the Shift and make friends with Change. It’s really not so scary, once you start playing there more often. I suggest changing something small, like toothpaste, or..well, water intake…and prove that you can do it! Then the bigger material things: more vegetables, better sleep patterns: whatever it is for you. THEN the emotional chunks. The pieces that you probably don’t identify because they are intricately woven into You, and into Who you take yourSelf to Be. It’s ok!
Blessings and love, ease and open ways
- “Yes” Doesn’t Count If You Can’t Say “No” (psychologytoday.com)
- Be a Good Listener (mferreira56.wordpress.com)
- Patience; It Is Realizing. (theladiesfeed.wordpress.com)
- Love vs. Lust (and the Brain) (bigthink.com)
- How to Have a Healthy Relationship (everydayhealth.com)
- Love Vocabulary (britishenglishtrainer.com)
- Common Relationship Problems: How to Stop Bickering (oleole.com)
- Love Like I’ve Never Been Hurt Before: Blessed Through The Pain (arispeaks.com)